Today I am here

I want to actively work on the narrative I have for my self again. Because I base a lot of my self image on what direction I am moving in, or more accurately what effort I expending, how hard I’m trying. Am I struggling? While I am comfortably at home living a quiet peaceful life, I lack the narrative of striving or struggling for something. What’s there in that empty space, no, what have I filled that space with? And now that I look at it, I find that I’m not proud of it, though there’s no reason not to be, other then the absence of struggle. Maybe its the absence of effort, yes, that’s it. And that’s hard for me when there is an absence of need. Now, how do I speak about it in a kind way, a proud way?

The gap between who I am and who I want to be is measured in how easy it is to do the behaviors, that make either one of those beings come true..

Today I am here. And I am the best, and worst versions of my self.

I love it!

I hate it.

I love it,